I don’t like the valley sober. It’s a terrible place. You don’t notice all the litter, the homeless people, the broken glass and the crazy people when you are stumbling around completely drunk. I even had an egg thrown at me and Landa.
I started off the night by driving into the valley and picking up Landa’s cousin Jason from Landa’s house. Landa had a big date and would join us later. And so the two of us drove to the Paddo. We really had no idea where we were going, but I’m a walking GPS so we just drove around and lo and behold ended up in Paddington, at the Paddo, no less. The girl, Jean, from speed dating that Landa and I were going there to catch up and compare notes with, disappeared. I couldn’t find her.
So Jason and I sat outside in the gorgeous smoking area, working on our cancers (I shall name him mini-me). And this English girl from Manchester comes up asking the guys at our table is she can just stand there to have a fag, they’re totally ignoring her so me being friendly pipes up “Come over here, you can chat to us 
” yes I even said smiley face. You have to make clicking noises for the bracket. Jason ended up hooking up with the girl and I hope he got her phone number because she was really nice.
Landa showed up after a while, and we chatted for a bit about her date and stuff and I kept checking my watch, because I was sober and was getting tired. For some reason dancing comes more naturally when drunk. And you don’t mind getting pushed and shoved. Eventually we left Jason at the paddo and went to the Bank so I could meet up with the security guard from the train. But he is not there.
There was a girl passed out in the toilet of the bank and paramedics carrying her out up the stairs on a stretcher. Crazy stuff. It was so crowded and the air conditioning was a godsend. Then we became overwhelmed with the munchies and left to fulfil our desire for fatty food where we ate drank and were merry. Sated we had two options, go back to the bank or go home. Not knowing if the security guard would show up we started walking home when I got a call saying he was at the bank. So back I go. Navigating the mine field of broken glass and homeless bums.
Unfortunately by this time I was very tired. So we chatted for a bit, then went and had a coffee, chatted some more then he walked me to my car. He’s nice. He’s in my phone as “The security guard” which although descriptive is a bit vague when it comes to his name. I did feel safer walking the streets with him by my side. Vagrants beware!
It’s nice to be back home though. Time to get some good quality sleep. Not a good idea to go to the valley sober.
